Last Wednesday during a live session on my Instagram @dipikasuccesscoach I discussed the topic of ‘loneliness’ with the participants. It is an extremely important topic as study across the world has come up with the data that more people are dying because of loneliness than because of smoking. Furthermore I compare loneliness to diabetes, just like diabetes it is the root cause for many other ailments. When we are speaking so much about loneliness it is very important that we understand what exactly loneliness is. In simple words loneliness is not about being alone, it is about feeling alone. Let me explain, being alone is when physically you are alone at a place and there is no one around you, however feeling alone is completely different.
When you are suffering from loneliness there is a discomfort within you, there is a pain within you and this feeling of discomfort or pain is not shared by others, they do not understand your discomfort or your pain because it is not present in their experience, this is what feeling alone is, because it is only you who is going through this suffering and no one around you understands you, note here you are not alone, there are lots of people around you and yet you are the only one in pain and all those around do not understand your pain and hence unable to help you. You are unable to explain to them how you are feeling and what exactly you want from them, what they should do in order to comfort you, and since you cannot explain, you suffer further, even more and loneliness increases. Let me try to further simplify it, let us say you put something in your mouth, now your tongue feels it is bitter, only the tongue feels the bitterness, there is no bitterness once past the tongue or outside of the mouth, all other senses don’t understand bitterness, if you swallow it the stomach does not understand the bitterness, similarly the feeling of loneliness is only within your experience and hence the statement that loneliness is not about being alone but about feeling alone.
The methods and tools for remedy of this pain works only upon the understanding of loneliness. Now that we have an idea what it feels like, let us see some of the things that can help. In our example when there is something bitter on the tongue there are only two options left, either spit it out or swallow it because if you hold that substance on your tongue for long, it will only increase the bitterness. Similarly if you are feeling lonely and you continue to stay with the feeling, it will increase the pain and discomfort and not reduce, here also we have two options the first one is engaging in activities that enrich your experience, in activities that you like doing, it can be anything, from taking a walk in the park, being with a pet, working out in the gym, music, dance, seek a person to build a relationship or even reaching out to a true friend and speaking out what you are feeling. Remember these activities take time and they do not eradicate the feeling of loneliness completely however they enhance the feeling of joy, the feeling of fulfilment, the feeling of love and that eases the pain.
The other option is to seek a life coach, a therapist with the knowledge and wisdom to help, one whom you can genuinely trust. A psychologist/psychotherapist is trained and educated on the subject and they understand exactly how you feel, they know what you are experiencing and can handhold you out of this pain. Remember seeking help is the bravest thing and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Over the years I have helped many such people to overcome this pain and wish that no one suffers from
it. I always say this at the end of all my videos “Remember you are worthy, you are loved” and I genuinely believe that every life is.